Which Way is Up?

Do you ever have one of those days where you don't know which way is up?  It looks like Dolly dog is having one of those days.  Here she sits on her pillow with her feet on the bed.

Mouse in the House (and other Dr. Seuss rhymes!)

We have a mouse in the house. I don't like it. I don't even like the thought of it. I was preparing dinner the other night and expecting Gene to be home at any moment when I noticed Dolly staring into the bathroom. I thought that was unusual since she has never shown any interest in the bathroom in the past. As I drew closer, I hear a faint sound. Dolly tilted her head and leaned closer. I leaned closer. We are both now looking behind the toilet, when I see a little paw stick it's arm out between the waterline that feeds the toilet and the little chrome ring that covers the hole. "Eeeek!!"

My guard dog is hot on my heels as I head for the opposite end of the house. Some protection she is! As I stand in my bedroom debating my options, I give her the evil eye. Her tail wags. I tiptoe back to the bathroom, Dolly on my heels, and sure enough, scratch, scratch, scratch. I can hear it. Oh man. I really don't want to have to deal with this. Maybe it can wait until Gene gets home. I close the door. (I know . . . but I had to do something!)

I just can't get that scratching sound and the vision of that little paw out of my head. Something must be done. So I bang on the water pipe, go get the bag of mouse poison and stuff it in the hole. Then I stick a toothpick in tight to keep the mouse from pushing the chrome ring off. Now I hear Gene driving in. Sure.

The Mouse in the House! (heavily plagiarized from Dr. Seuss)

The sun did not shine. It was too dark to play. So we sat in the house all that long, long, Tuesday.

I sat there with Dolly, we sat there we two. And I said, “How I wish we had something to do!”

And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump! We looked! And we saw him! The mouse in the house!

Gene was out of the house for the day. But I said, “No! No! Make that mouse go away! Tell that mouse in the house we do NOT want to play. He should not be here. He should not be about. He should not be here when Gene is out!”

“Now! Now! Have no fear. Have no fear!” said the mouse. “My tricks are not bad,” Said the mouse in the house.

Die mouse, die. (I like my ending better than the Seuss version)

Dealing with Raccoons

We have a raccoon problem. Mind you, I know that we live in the country and that raccoons were here first, but I draw the line at them camping out on my front porch. The other day, Dolly refused to come in the house and kept playing by the garage. My friend and I walked around the corner and I crawled into the bushes to see what she was chasing and thought she had cornered a cat. As I reached in to rescue the cat, I saw the rings on its tail and stumbled back, dragging Dolly with me. My friend said, "Let me do it. I'm covered for rabies for the next five years!" (She had an unfortunate altercation with a feral cat last summer and had to go through the series of Rabies shots.) We both sat on our heels and laughed.

After the vet gave me strong warnings not to let Dolly come into contact with either the animal or it's droppings because she could develop Baylisascaris or "raccoon disease" (which can be fatal), I decided that something needed to be done. I talked to some friends and neighbors seeking advice on how to deal with the problem, and most agreed that a live trap was the best solution. Let me just say that this is one of those things that is best thought out in advance. I, on the other hand, did not give it enough thought. Before I go on, let me point out that once you start such a project, you should know how you plan to end it.

A friend loaned us a trap and showed me how to bait it. He tied a 12' rope onto the end of it and asked if I knew what the rope is for. Without blinking an eye, I responded, "So you don't have to go into the pond to get the cage after you give the raccoon a swimming lesson?" He laughed and responded, "Studies show they can't actually hold their breath all that long." He tells me the rope is in case I catch a skunk. Then he proceeds to tell me what to do if I do catch a skunk. I have visions of Gene and I in hazmat suits, long rubber gloves, and a clothes pin on our noses as we carry a blanket out to cover the cage. Because skunks won't spray you if it is dark . . . right!

Night 1. I put a hamburger bun in the trap.

Day 2. The trap is open, has been turned 45 degrees in the yard, and the bun is gone. (Did the raccoon use the rope to turn it?) I study the trap trying to figure this out. I get on Google to see what raccoons like to eat.

Night 2. I think the raccoon would enjoy an apple. But this time, I cut it in half so it can't scoop and run. I come inside. 20 minutes later, there is a raccoon in the cage. Apparently, when the cage door was sprung, the raccoon decided to eat the apple and take a nap. He actually looks quite content in there. His tummy is full and he is rather cute. (Note the photo is not our actual raccoon, but you get the idea.) I call my husband up to "deal with it."

It turns out that once you catch the raccoon, you have to make some decisions. It also turns out that I just don't have the heart to give the raccoon a swimming lesson or to have my husband shoot it. So I call my friend and ask what he does with them. He tells me that his wife won't let him kill them either, so he drives over the bridge and lets them go on our side of the river. Thanks a lot!

So after much consideration, we take him back across the bridge and let him go on my neighbor's side of the river. Then I send him the following email:

Dean,

We caught a raccoon last night. He had a tag around his neck that said, "If found, return to Dean."

Problem solved!

Those Aren't My Fish!

Who knew that fish could be so entertaining? On quiet evenings, we make our way down to the ponds with a small scoop of floating catfish food. Getting near the pond and not in the pond requires planning, balance and a bit of luck. So far, I'm running about 50/50.


The first couple of feedings, we could see fish were eating the food, but we couldn't see the fish themselves. And then came Friday. My husband and I climb down the hill, then up on the bank so we can see directly down into the water. We toss a handful of fish food into the water and within seconds, a small (8") silver fish with a black spot behind it's gill and on it's tail swims up and starts gobbling the food. My husband is so excited to finally see our fish. He says, "that's not what I thought carp looked like." I don't have the heart to tell him that isn't one of the fish I bought. We laugh as the fish gobbles up the food, and we toss in another handful.

Suddenly, we see a wave heading toward us. I look at my husband as I plan my escape and say, "Don't get between me and the Kubota!" I think something big is in the pond and it is coming our way. Mud begins churning at our feet, and then several large catfish start fighting over the food and push out little silver guy. Gene comments, "Those are nice sized catfish." And now I have to explain that those aren't the fish I just stocked the pond with. Who knew that we had fish in the pond already? I just spent $75 on fish. Where are they?

We Are Expecting!

Tomorrow is the big delivery date. Our fish arrive! I studied, I Googled, I talked to friends and searched the internet and finally placed my big fish order at the farm store. I ordered 5 grass carp and 25 catfish. It is a bit of a bizarre process. You fill out the paperwork and then the clerk gives you a stern warning, "The fish truck will be here on May 18th from 10:00-11:30 a.m. You need to bring your own pond water and containers." Yes Maam! When I told the clerk that I was going to name my fish, she blinked, then promptly said, "Name one of the catfish Whiskers." So that gave me an idea. I'm going to name all the catfish with cat names, and all the carp after types of grass.


I'm looking for suggestions, so email me if you have a great name and I will add it to the list. So far, I have:

Catfish: Felix, Garfield, Cleo, Morris, Tom (cat) and Whiskers (19 more to name!)

Grass Carp: Blue (grass), Fescue, and Bermuda (2 more to name)

I feel like an expectant parent. Like any good soon-to-be parent, I have picked up all the supplies I will need. In this case, a 50 lb. bag of floating catfish food, a container to store it in, and a scoop. I'm sure I'm missing something, but I cannot think of what it would be. If history is any indicator, there should be loads of blog material in my fish delivery tomorrow. I will keep you posted.

Since posting this blog entry, I have had several emails with additional names:
From Dean and Kathy:
Just thought Kathy and I would try to help you out with naming your fish. We had a lot of fun while trying to come up with names and here is a list for you to consider; Wild cat (Wilde), Black cat (nicknamed Firecracker), Bob cat (nicknamed Skidloader), Kitty cat, Ali cat, Top cat, Cool cat, Kit Kat, Stray cat, Sylvester the cat, Puddy tat, Tigger, Smelly cat ("Friends"), Scaredy and Fraidy cats, Jinks the cat, cat Nip and cat Nap, cat O-Nine Tails, cat Scan M.D., cat Tails, cat Sup, cat Walk, cat Burgler, cat Ballou, cat Bird, cat “In The Hat”, cat Mandu, cat Chall, and cat Ewampuss. Oh, and don't forget the "A" team- Apult, Agory and Atastrphe!



We also came up with a few suggestions for Grasscarp names. How about; Pampas, Smokin’, Wax Your, and Your Ass Is? Hey, now I think you need more fish!

From Clayton:
Carp: St. Augustine and Cannabis. Drawing a blank on cat names. Will send them as I come up with them.  There is also Crabgrass if one is cranky, and in case you have a crazy one Nutgrass,or cohld even go with Lovegrass for the romantic one.



Cat names, only came up with one other name. Not sure how appropriate but Pussy cat. Best I can do for now will keep thinking.

My reply:
St. Augustine - good one. I looked him up on Google: He is the patron saint of brewers, printers, theologians, the alleviation of sore eyes.


And Cannabis - you got me on that on. Could you just have said marijuana? I'm going to call that one "Weed" for short!

The Birds!

There is an odd phenomenon that occurs when I’m mowing. A large group of birds swoops just in front of my mower as I mow along. What is unusual, in my mind, is that these birds will buzz me continually the whole time I'm mowing. They swoop down at me from all sides and break away only a few feet from me or the mower; they come from all angles, high and low, front and back, left and right. It's a very entertaining display of bird acrobatics and I enjoy it immensely. I suspect they are catching the insects that fly out of the grass ahead of me. They may be swallows, though I really wouldn’t be able to pick a swallow out of a bird line up, but it sounds like the kind of bird that would eat insects. Lately, the insects seem to have caught onto their plight because they are hanging out closer and closer to me to the point I fear one of those birds may actually hit me.

I can see the headlines now . . . “Rural Iowa Woman Loses Eye in Bird Strike”. Now mind you, I’m more concerned about being referred to as a rural Iowa woman than losing an eye. I have made my husband promise that if I die by farm accident, he will drag my lifeless body to the nearest town and make up something interesting because I do not want those words included in my obituary!

(On another note, why is it when you Google “Rural Iowa Woman” you mostly get mug shots?)


 

Jurassic Park

There is a part of our yard where the grass meets the woods that I respectfully refer to as Jurassic Park. I say respectfully, because things cross into there and don’t come out again. We have lost bird feeders, shovels, potted plants and other items to the abyss. I have seen squirrels and chipmunks run into the woods and not be seen again. Even Dolly dog won’t venture past the grass line. So respect is in order.

In the winter, when all the leaves have fallen, it doesn’t appear that scary. But about this time of year, it becomes so dense that you can sense movement, but not identify the source. My neighbor once came barreling out of Jurassic Park riding a 4 wheeler, dressed in camo gear a hat and goggles, and carrying a chain saw. I had vision of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre before I recognized who he was. I’m still not sure why he was in there, but he came out fast. As for the chainsaw . . . I wouldn’t go in there unprotected either!

Sometimes I hear noises in the woods that I can’t identify. Crashing and rustling sounds, and I’m pretty sure an exotic monkey lives in there.  Maybe it is a bird, but it sure sound like a monkey.  It cries out to me and taunts me as I cautiously walk by. 

Hello Neighbor!

I was sitting in my office a few weeks ago when I turned around and noticed the back end of a large animal walking by my window. I jumped up and went to the front door to see what it was, only to discover a very large, curly haired dog in the front yard. When I opened the front door, the dog looked at me for a minute, then came right to me and leaned on my hip. he then pushed me aside to go see what Dolly was barking about. This was a big dog -- I’m thinking an Airedale mix that had to weigh close to 100 pounds. I admit that I was a bit hesitant to wrestle it and try to read its tags, but he seemed friendly enough, so I leaned in and grabbed the collar only to get dog slobber all over me. Was this thing rabid or did it always drool this much? The tag didn’t list an address, only a rabies vaccination record number, and I wasn’t brave enough to venture near the slobber zone twice.

I decided to come in and call some neighbors to see if anyone was missing a pet. Unfortunately, getting in the house without my new friend proved to be more difficult than one would think. He decided that if Dolly dog could be inside, he wanted to come in as well. I pushed, I shoved, but this dog held its ground at the front door having a stare off with Dolly. After a few minutes of wresting a very large, determined dog and using one leg to keep him out and one arm to keep Dolly in, I was able to get in and shut the door. I no sooner I closed the front door, when I heard a knock, knock, knock on the door. Wow, I thought, someone is already here to claim the dog.

I opened the front door to see the Airedale looking at me. No one else was in site. Are you kidding me? This dog knows how to knock on doors! Call the circus! I laughed and closed the door and took three steps when I heard knock, knock, knock again. The dog is still looking at me. Dolly is barking like crazy, and I’m wondering who is in charge.

This time, I open the door and say, “No, Dolly can’t come out and play,” and close the door. After three more tries, the dog gets tired of the game and wanders away. Now every now and then, I hear a knocking at the door and look out to see this persistent dog looking at me. My biggest concern is what I will do if the owners teach this dog how to punch in the code to the garage door opener!

This is War!!

We have moles in the yard. I’m not talking about a couple of moles that are a nuisance; I’m talking a band of brothers who are determined to mine for precious metals. The entire yard is a series of tunnels and mounds. When I’m out in our yard hunting these guys, I’m reminded of Bill Murray in CaddyShack. We have tried the usual remedies, but we have been invaded and this calls for war! I thought I would share some resources that I have found on the internet.


Poison:

Advantages:
1. They're pretty easy to use if you have an applicator. (We have dozens.)
2. If you can get the pellets into the pest's tunnels — they work.
3. If the poison does its job, the critter is already buried. You don't have to empty any traps.


Disadvantages of poisons:
1. Other than an absence of new mounds, you don't know if you are eliminating your pests or not.
2. You're working with poisons, so you have to be careful when you're applying them

Traps: Traps can be effective, but they are also a little difficult to use. I think we have been hit by the trap more often than we have hit a mole. And the instructions on all of these traps end with indicating how to tell if the trap has been sprung. No one gives you tips on disposal of the body. For my part, I think letting the sucker rot in the ground as a deterrent to others is the best method.

Exhaust fumes: I love this one. Simply stated: exhaust kills, especially in a small confined space such as a burrow. “This device that will help you move exhaust from your vehicle into the burrow of the critter that is causing you harm.” Check out the instructions:

Step 1: Measure the diameter of your exhaust pipe. (I love the caution to turn off your vehicle first!)

Step 2: Determine the required length of hose you will need by measuring the distance from your vehicle to the burrow opening or mound. Note: These people do realize that you can’t drive up to the mound because your car tires will sink 4 inches into the yard due to all the tunnels.

Step 3: Connect the hose to your exhaust pipe (again the warning about turning off your vehicle) and stuff the hose into the tunnel.

Step 4: Turn on your vehicle.

That’s it. No other instructions. So I have this vision of sitting in my car, listening to the radio, burning gas until . . . . when???


Sonic devices:  The theory behind these products is that you place a device in your yard that sends out a signal. Your gophers and moles find this sound or vibration to be so unpleasant that they will just decide to move away from your back yard and go live somewhere else . . . like the front yard!

But I’m leaning to the old fashioned way of dealing with moles:

Dolly vs. Alvin the Chipmunk

Each morning around 8:00, a chipmunk crawls out of the wood pile, yawns, stretches and wags his little tail at the picture window where Dolly sits on guard . . . and Dolly goes nuts.  She whimpers, she cries, she barks and begs to go outside.  When I let her out, Dolly races around the house spraying landscape rock in her wake determined to catch Alvin the chipmunk.  Alvin quickly burrows back into the wood pile and I swear I can hear him chuckling.  Dolly will run from one side of the wood to the other in absolute determination to catch the chipmunk.  You would think she would grow tired of missing the chipmunk, but she is determined and patient.  She will sit and stare and wait for some sign of life.  Alvin, on the other hand, is no dummy.  He curls up and takes a nap, knowing that eventually Dolly will go away.  And each day, I scoop the landscape rock back into place and shake my head.  Who is in charge here?

I'm ready to come in now.

Road Kill

Take one Toyota and one large (very large) raccoon and push them together at 40 MPH and what do you get?  A very big mess.  I hear about people hitting deer all the time, and as expected, there is quite a bit of damage and sometimes injury.  But when you look at a raccoon, you think to yourself, no problem.  The car wins every time.  As it happens, a raccoon can do quite a bit of damage to a car.  We have become amused by insurance adjusters and auto mechanics as they say, “That must have been one big raccoon!”  Neighbors and mail men come by and ask, “Did you see that raccoon?”  We thought we would just need a new bumper, but it turns out the raccoon bent the frame of the car.

The Squirrels are Trying to Kill Us!

Dolly has done a great job of keeping the squirrels on the run since we moved in.  She races out of the garage as soon as you hit the garage door opener, squeaking under the door before it even opens fully.  They know that she will not follow them into the woods, but will chase them to the tree line, where they scramble up the tree and taunt her.  Now they have begun tossing acorns down on us.  It is literally raining acorns under the big oak. 

I spent the weekend sweeping them off the drive, only to have dozens of them fall on my head.  As I look up, the squirrels are chattering away, and I swear they are smiling.  Dolly does her bit by picking up a mouthful of acorns and carrying them to the grass and spitting them out.  She truly is a wonder dog.

While all of this is amusing, I found that it is possible to hydroplane sideways down the hill on a riding lawnmower.  I kid you not.  I'm going to die by squirrel!

You know it is humid when . . .

You know it is humid in Iowa when even the frogs want to come inside.  I opened the door last night to see a tiny frog clinging to the screen door hoping to get a blast of air conditioning.  I'm not sure he appreciated the flash on my camera.

Dolly the Rebate Dog

Just when you think you have seen it all, you get a surprise in the mail. We adopted Dolly from a nearby animal shelter three years ago. She was 8 1/2 years old at the time, and when we applied for adoption, they offered us a discount due to her age. We laughed and told her that she was close to her expiration date.

About a month ago, the shelter contacted me to inquire if I had kept her vaccinations up to date. I sent them proof of vaccination, some photos and a letter telling them how much she was enjoying country living. When I went to the mailbox this week, I saw another letter from the humane society and I thought, "What? Do they want her back?" When I opened the letter, they had sent me a $10 rebate for keeping her three years and keeping her vaccinations current. When Gene came home, he said that pretty soon we would be making money on her! I laughed so hard as he spent the evening calling out, "Hey Rebate, do you want to go for a walk?"

Here is Dolly waiting for Gene to come home.

ADDENDUM: After posting this, Gene received a $2 rebate from a dropped policy. I couldn't resist pointing out that Dolly was worth more than he was.

How Do Fish Get Into Ponds?

A stranger stopped by today and asked if he could fish in our ponds. Sure, no problem. I thought it was nice that he asked. Later in the day, I walked down to the ponds to see if I could spot any fish. I'm curious as to what type we might have. I doubt that the shallow pond has any fish, but we enjoy watching the ducks swim among the cattails. The big pond has carp in it according to the previous owner, but I'm wondering how fish get into the pond in the first place?

Do people actually buy fish and stock small ponds? I know this is possible, but where does one buy live fish? If they are tiny, will they survive? Does the pond have to be deep enough so that when it freezes in the winter, there is enough water to stay alive -- that rules out the small pond. What kind of fish should I buy?

And finally, the otter in the pond scared the beegeebies out of me this morning. I saw a small head swimming across the lake with a long trail behind it and thought it was a snake. A really BIG snake! Then it did a flip and I realized it was an otter. I don't like snakes. Haven't formed an opinion on otters yet. Wonder if that little guy will become a problem.

Probably eats fish.

Country Kritters vs. City Kritters

What is up with birds flying into the window and killing themselves? This house has been here about five years, so it isn't like it is a surprise to them, and yet I have four dead birds laying on the patio after colliding with the picture window. Dolly just growls now when a bird hits the window.

I have also noticed that the squirrels in the city and acrobats and can figure out how to get into a bird feeder no matter what steps you take. So far, the country squirrels haven't figured out how to get to the seed. Not that I'm complaining!

I am going to have to start carrying a camera on me. As we walked the mile long drive, Dolly spotted a frog in the grass. She ran over and pounced trying to catch it time after time. Picture her putting her paws together and diving into the grass. I laughed so hard. She is loving the country, but she still isn't sure what to make of the wild turkeys.

Ahh, Spring!

We survived the winter! Seriously, there were moments when I questioned our sanity in purchasing 14 acres. Now that the snow has melted and I can sit outside and look at the beautiful view, I remember why we loved this place.

We are discovering new forms of wildlife. The geese have returned and I think I have spotted a nest. They could have planned better on placing their nest as it sits on top of the dam, right in the tire tracks where we can cross the dam. We also have frogs in the ponds. Who knew frogs could be so loud! I get a kick out of shouting "Quiet!" as I walk by the pond. The frogs stop croaking for about half a minute, then start up again. I find amusement wherever I can. I've given up wondering what the neighbors think.

Dolly the Weather Dog

One of the compromises in living in the country is the limited access to cable and internet providers. We have DSL now, and it annoys me that the weather channel doesn’t show our local forecast on the “8’s”. Instead, you get a handful of selected cities, none of which are anywhere near us. We are nothing if not resourceful. We have delegated weather reporting to “Dolly the Weather Dog.”

Each morning, I send her out and she comes back with local conditions. If she is wet, we know that it is raining. If she is covered in snow, I look out to see how deep her footprints are. Today’s forecast reported 3 inches of snow and light precipitation. She looks forward to her treat for accurate reporting.

I will say that she is 100 per cent accurate on the current weather and there is no 15 minute delay like the weather channel has. So there are some benefits to living in the country.

Snow, snow and more snow . . .

Okay, whose idea was it to move out to the country?

I seriously want to find out the name of the county snow plow driver who keeps burying the entrance to my driveway. I swear he comes by fifteen times a day. No Christmas candy for him! Six more inches of the white fluffy stuff overnight, with another two to three expected. Oh, and did I mention wind. We are under a freaking "Winter Storm Warning" for another 24 hours.

The weather man smiles pleasantly as he says that blowing snow will create white out conditions and travel is not advised. How can you smile when you say that?

Here is a photo of Dolly coming back inside. She is a city dog. How does she find her way back to the front door?

Wait . . . do I hear the snow plow again?